One might wonder what my monday morning blues exactly are considering i'm on vacation. But i managed to rustle up something anyway. After weeks of bearing affectionate nicknames such as pumpkin, moti, alu, chubby, golu and the likes, i finally decided to put my foot down. Or try to make it 10 pounds lighter anyhow.
Thus followed Plan F. Follow a Diet Plan. So, promptly at 8 am after guzzling down a bottle of water i did some serious research about various dietary schedules. Finally zeroed in on the GM Diet Plan. It looked like a good plan, found a lot of favourable reviews, and it seemed to promise a loss of 10lbs in 1 week (that's around 4 kg btw). I mean im not a baby whale, i just need some fine-tuning.
Earnestly I copied everything down in my Sundaram notebook and presented it with a flourish to my mom. Thinking that she of all people should be pleased, what with all the hints she had been dropping about how i'm beginning to look more and more like her. But since when did I begin to have things so easy?
Problem 1: My mom rolled her eyes and told me to not to bother coz i'm not going to stick to it anyway. Now that's what the doctors and readers digest articles keep saying these days no? Parents dont support their children. My mom's not reading it carefully enough it seems. What if i took it to heart, and suffered mental shocks and went into depression? Somehow my mom thinks i'm not even capable of that. She's a shrinks delight, my mum.
Problem 2: Darling mother then overrode my stuttering and indignant rants to say that "fine, if you really think you can do it, then go ahead and get all the bird-food you need". That's sensitivity for you. As if i could go grocery shopping in my weakened condition. Sniff.
Problem 3: Day 1 says i should consume lots of watermelons and loupes, to lose 3 lbs the first day itself. That's all dandy ofcourse, but pray what's a loupe? Sounds like a criminal food to me. Frantic Google research followed. Turns out loupe means Kharbuja. So survive the day on tarbuja and kahrbuja, is it?
Problem 4: Day 6 seems to require the deprived to consume veggies and-take a deep breath-beef! Like i dont have enough problems in life. i have to do dharam-bhrashth and all that. That too, with the 4th sem results not yet announced. Really!
Problem 5: I dont have a weighing machine. And i still have some of my battered pride left, thank you very much. Going to the neighbours', trying to shield the wheeling machines reading, and having the nighbour's kid spy it and scream it out anyway requires an ungodly amount of guts that i do not contain.
Problem 6: With such huge obstacles barring my way, i was still ready to battle it out, but the last straw was the rule "Only Black Tea". I mean what the @%@!^$^@#!. What's tea without sugar and milk? It's a dead man's tea thats what.
So, dear readers, exactly 51 minutes after the conception of Plan F, it had to be aborted under regretted circumstances.
south bank, london.
1 week ago