Nov 1, 2009

Bleakwood

Have there been times when you can seee no hope? The woods seem bleak and the sky looks menacing? Or the other way round? Or both? When you are convinced that god hates you and life in general is just slipping you one giant finger?
Well, you are right.
And there's nothing you can do to change it.

Eventually somebody you like will ditch you, you'll lose the only thing you ever wanted, your most cherished ambition will be snatched by that blasted swine, your dreams will be lived by your arch-enemy and if that's not enough you'll die too. If you're lucky it'll come swiftly and painlessly.

Oh yeah, somewhere along the way, you'll get PMS/Erectile dysfunction.

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Writing your SOP has to be the most humiliating and howlarious thing you ever have to do. Often simultaneously. After one week of sweating swine-style and penning the most outrageous things about yours truly, I finally settled on a horrifyingly cloying draft. I don't know why I have settled on it yet. It manages to be pleading, mealy-mouthed and a bag of crap all at the same time. That, apparently, is almost perfect.

Predictably, my admirable restraint has buckled under the nobleness of my spirit yet again. I present, the eight-fold path to writing a SOP:
  1. You suck. Admit it.
  2. Proceed to completely demolish point no. 1
  3. Perform point no. 2 shamelessly
  4. While executing point no 3. wince, ctrl+A, shift+delete
  5. Repeat steps 1-4.
  6. Repeat step 5. Approximately 20 times.
  7. Read, wince, give up, save.
  8. Mail to your friends, wait for inputs, modify, save.
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Do not fall into the trap of SitComs. Never ending flood of TrueBlood, Lost, 70's show, Californication, Big Bang /theory, HIMYM, Two and a Half Men, 30 Rock, etc are not going to be of any help whatsoever in your future endeavors. It's like this sticky web - once you're in, you just cant get out. I'm miserably hooked. Like some degenerate crack addict I cannot part with my laptop for more than 20 minutes.

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Something has to be done about the Muchi-Maggie phenomena. It's back. Bigger, scarier and infinitely more weirder. It's almost eerie now, the way we telepath. And sickening, the amount of time we chat/speak on phone/mail etc. Needless to say we love it and we just make it worse. It's all alright! It's all alright! Hello [insert appropriate place here]!!

12 comments:

Sharanya said...

:D

I am now sincerely glad that I didn't give you any input (SUCHI! I have never written an SoP for an American University! I have no clue what to tell you! Do you still want my feedback? I'll give it then!)-- would this post have happened otherwise?

I am sincerely jealous of the Maggi-Muchi phenomenon, and I demand you release her from your clutches so that other people can have a share too. DEMAND.

Also? Funniest post ever!

(NOT TO MENTION FIRST COMMENT RWAR!)

Sharanya said...

* The first question was rhetorical! Oh. Right. You knew that.

Well, indulge me then :D

Blue~Flame said...

@Sharan: Our case is now beyond help. In fact, we need help I think. Is there a rehab for such things?
And, and, it would be nice if 'someone' responded to a mail and just told me how the SoP was. :|
ALthough you are busy with NaNoWriMo aren't you? Sympathies and all the best!

agnes said...

Beloved,
Phone and self have parted ways :|
left it in the hotel, wil get it tomorrow.
i miss you :|
more later

agnes said...

And the pic is so FUCKIN HOT!!!!!!!
:D wowie :)
im so happy im in a pseudo-relationship with you :)

Blue~Flame said...

I hate you.
Hate you!!
Do you knw what i have gone through?
Have you any idea?!
I'm dead! I thought you are dead!
Hm.
Anyway, thanks, abt the pic i mean. Hot na? ;)

Tyrant said...

I can imagine your plight!:(Writing about yourself is the hardest thing.I hav'nt been able to write a decent 'About Me' in 5 years on orkut.But again,that's altogether different!I know!!:D

Tyrant said...

And roger that,Aggie!The pic is seriously HOT!!

William Deng-Deng K. said...

Hot stuff, firstly.

And SoP fever man. Its a fucking epidemic. Not that I'm writing one. But everyone else. And that's not a soothing sight. Makes me worry about my future and all that shit. And that's the last thing I WANT TO DO! And this stupid cyber cafe has keyboards without that straight line of flat-mouth-smiley.

But seriously, hot stuff.

Blue~Flame said...

@Deng & Tyrant: After long hours of slogging over the godless app stuff and all, it just makes my day when 2 guys call me hot. I mean it. There is nothing more gratifying. right now, Im as cose to tears as "I" can be.
:)
Thanks.

Any SoP writer - kill on sight! Kill!

And guys, i see an idyllic future for you man, smoky haze and snazzy guitars.
:)

Sharanya said...

Now I see why you're mad at me :'( i JUST saw this!

Vimal said...

are you interested in a job as a GRE counsellor? I might have one for you :P