Bleakwood

Have there been times when you can seee no hope? The woods seem bleak and the sky looks menacing? Or the other way round? Or both? When you are convinced that god hates you and life in general is just slipping you one giant finger?

Well, you are right.

And there's nothing you can do to change it.

Eventually somebody you like will ditch you, you'll lose the only thing you ever wanted, your most cherished ambition will be snatched by that blasted swine, your dreams will be lived by your arch-enemy and if that's not enough you'll die too. If you're lucky it'll come swiftly and painlessly.

Oh yeah, somewhere along the way, you'll get PMS/Erectile dysfunction.

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Writing your SOP has to be the most humiliating and howlarious thing you ever have to do. Often simultaneously. After one week of sweating swine-style and penning the most outrageous things about yours truly, I finally settled on a horrifyingly cloying draft. I don't know why I have settled on it yet. It manages to be pleading, mealy-mouthed and a bag of crap all at the same time. That, apparently, is almost perfect.

Predictably, my admirable restraint has buckled under the nobleness of my spirit yet again. I present, the eight-fold path to writing a SOP:

1. You suck. Admit it.
2. Proceed to completely demolish point no. 1
3. Perform point no. 2 shamelessly
4. While executing point no 3. wince, ctrl+A, shift+delete
5. Repeat steps 1-4.
6. Repeat step 5. Approximately 20 times.
7. Read, wince, give up, save.
8. Mail to your friends, wait for inputs, modify, save.

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Do not fall into the trap of SitComs. Never ending flood of TrueBlood, Lost, 70's show, Californication, Big Bang /theory, HIMYM, Two and a Half Men, 30 Rock, etc are not going to be of any help whatsoever in your future endeavors. It's like this sticky web - once you're in, you just cant get out. I'm miserably hooked. Like some degenerate crack addict I cannot part with my laptop for more than 20 minutes.

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Something has to be done about the Muchi-Maggie phenomena. It's back. Bigger, scarier and infinitely more weirder. It's almost eerie now, the way we telepath. And sickening, the amount of time we chat/speak on phone/mail etc. Needless to say we love it and we just make it worse. It's all alright! It's all alright! Hello [insert appropriate place here]!!