Jan 21, 2011

Why I Suck - Part 1

So get this. Some of you may not have realized it so far, but I am perhaps the clumsiest and the most disaster prone person in existence. I know!! A shocker as it may be, it is an accurate representation of reality, my friends. A phenomenon making itself glaringly obvious in the light of present circumstances that can be summarized in two words: I Suck.

Some of you (very few, I admit) might be concerned as to why one is being so harsh to oneself, but you won't after you have been presented with sufficient evidence of one's appalling lack of basic competence in matters as simple as - lets say - walking.

We had a tiny furry visitor who we call Roxy. Roxy, the mouse. As much as we love him/her/his child/her child's nephew and are courteous enough to leave the dishes dirty and every available surface littered with unfinished food and trash we decided to kill him/her/his child/her child's nephew. My roommate skipped her way to CVS and resourcefully got sticky mousetraps that are reportedly very effective in luring the mice into its sticky trap. It seemed like a lot of fun in the beginning and we put it in all sorts of places which we deemed 'strategic' and put bits of precious peanut butter and cheese and salad dressing on it. All fine and dandy till the trap actually fulfills its purpose in life and guess what - you guessed it right - IT GOT ME!

Not once, not twice, but THRICE!

I'm a good sport you know, I cracked up the first time too. I'll admit it, it was funny to see a female adult hobbling with a mouse trap stuck to her foot and crashing into the wall as if to go out with a bang. Still, I laughed with everyone. Granted.

Second time, no one was around, I didn't laugh all that much.

Third time, decidedly not funny. It happened 15 minutes before I was leaving for my last class of the semester. Again, as you all might have gleaned, I'm also not the most punctual person in the world. I have almost never made it to class on time. So this was not the sodding time for a sticky mouse pad to deposit itself on the nethermost region of my anatomy. Result, it took so much time to get that thing off, I was 30 minutes late to class and this time Prof. wasn't very understanding. That isn't even the awkward part. The awkward part is when he asked me why I am late. You know how you always thought 'dog ate my homework' to be the lamest excuse ever? Try 'I got stuck on a sticky mouse pad in the closet while putting my boots on'. Not all that believable.  But it was the truth, so I delivered it. Via email of course. Could not bring myself to say it in person. Yea, even I was embarrassed. That bad.

How I managed to land those cursed little stinkers, don't ask. It was as if some sort of invisible string pulled me into it every single time.
If mice have a mice-youtube, I'm probably on it with some 600,000 hits and all of them laughing their tiny little arses off. Its probably titled - 'Stupid female human's pathetic attempt to trap us and failing every single time and not learning from her mistakes. Stupid female human'.



Christopher said...

ha, sorry to laugh but you know, you're funny!

I shudder at the thought of what would happen if peanut butter and cheese ever got on something actually dangerous.

Tyrant said...

Hahahaha!! This is hilarious :D Three fucking times,you gotta be kidding me!!And I thought noone can beat me at sucking in life:P



Tyrant said...

And yes,keep them coming :) Part 2,3 and all.

P.S I am struggling to write good posts on my blog you know."Why" and "how I suck" are such rich topics to blog on.Dont mind if I steal your brainchild :)

Me said...

Not sure if it was intentional but Conan O'Brian would be proud of your use of 'thrice'

Today I walked into a door frame because, as per usual, I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking. This happens a lot.