Feb 26, 2010

Theory: Roaches are Immortal Conquerors

This post is in response to this post. It inspired me. If you guys need humor with brains, read this blog.
So anyway, I commented to this post and then said to myself 'Hey Suchi! This needn't be just a comment, you can post about it!' Then I clapped my hands and posted about it.

So cockroaches.
Remember how you squatted at that big, ugly cockroach and thought that this is the end of story. Oh boy, you were so wrong. It just pretends to lie there and twitch like Michael Jackson's roachy version but in reality it's just waiting for you to turn your back and then it flits through some impossibly narrow spaces into dark corners you never even knew existed.
They have been around forever. They escaped so many catastrophes that some tribes worship cockroaches in the form of God. 
My theory is that - wait for it - cockroaches killed dinosaurs. You know how scientists are coming up with weird ass explanations as to why these gigantic, ugly creatures disappeared? They are missing (as usual) the most simple explanation of all. Cockroaches killed them. They literally are the only creatures who were present then and are still there now. How the hell did they escape whatever catastrophe that had happened? Simple, nothing happened. It's just an elaborate plan. While the answer was eating holes into their underwear scientists were draining the global economy and coming up with Avatar-like stories to cover up their incompetence.
Note: I think that NASA and FBI should merge. What do you think?

A related theory is: cockroaches are immortal. Yes, they never die. They are like vampires, but the ones you wouldn't want to make out with. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the cockroach which wiped T-Rex off the face of this earth is hiding right now in my bathroom. Behind the sink. I had spotted some strange decorative markings on his antennae. I wish I could just capture it and give it to NASA, but I'm pretty sure that then they would shriek like little girls and break a lot of expensive equipment so I let it be. 
Wait, now I'm freaking out!

Guys, I think Roach Anti T Rex is on to me. He knows that I know what they know that nobody knows. The real truth. So if something happens to me, you know where to find him


Johana Hill said...

Ha girl! That was an awesome post...love your blog and your writing style...please welcome your new follower! ---> Me!

Sometimes I can't keep up with the roaches...every time I make a move to kill one it just darts away fast! Evil creatures...but I'm glad they exterminated the dinosaurs! I'd prefer roaches to dinosaurs any time of the day! ;)

Another David said...

Hilarious, loved it!

I interned at NASA, I'll have to pass this onto my buddies. NASA and the FBI? Crime-fighting astronauts!!

TheBigShowAtUD said...

haha, it's possible. i think cockroaches are still alive because we run away when we see them. although, i haven't encountered one in a while. LUCKY ME.

Vimal said...

you have an awesome talent for spotting the "smoking gun"!

I'm a fan!

Blue~Flame said...

@Jo: Yeah, dinosaurs part is all well and good, but think they could eliminate them then what about US? What are they waiting for?! Sneaky b_____. Your blog is raducal btw. All honest. and fun.

@David: You interned WHERE?! Ok, shit, no offense, plz don't kill me. :D. But if the idea catches on, dude, I WANT recognition.

@TheBigShow: This is something evolution has taught us. To run away from cockraoches. Coz, they. are. invincible.

@Vimal: Good, I could do with supporters. I fear an inquisition soon.

Shweta said...

Why aren't scientific papers as interesting?

Sharanya said...

Yeah seriously, (Another) David, you interned where?!

Sharanya said...

AND you have a BS in Eco. What on Earth (pun unintended) did you do there?!

Blue~Flame said...

@Shwetu & Sharan: Sigh. I miss Mag.